Why I Stopped Relying on Self-help to Heal Myself

Over the past year, I became increasingly annoyed with self-help books, tapes and the like.

Why? Because they make us believe we are broken and need fixing.

I don’t think so.

Yes, as humans, we are all a bit flawed; but we are not broken.

Who gets to define what is right or wrong for my life?

Certainly not someone outside of me.

Here’s the way I see it: You live your life and maybe, at some point, you decide you want to look deeper.

Or you might be forced to look closer at your life because of dis-ease.

In these situations, you decide to look for help, work on the challenges, make new choices and move on. Then, you go back to living your life.

But self-help products encourage you to stay in the mud of your subconscious for too long. When you stay there too long, the mud becomes quicksand.

I don’t believe being stuck and unable to move forward helps anyone.

Yet, in the mud is where transformation begins. Just like a springtime seed, you need the mud in the beginning to sprout and grow.

But you can’t hide in the mud forever. Eventually, you must push through the dirt and bloom. Staying stuck in the muck is just another way of hiding from your life.

And yes, sometimes it’s hard to find your way back to feeling normal after you deep dive into your life and start digging around.

For most people, this is uncharted territory. It can feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar there. So what do most of us to when we can’t go back to how things were, yet, we aren’t ready to move forward?

We try to define a new normal.

In that search for a new normal, we find ourselves grasping at straws, trying out new ideas, and testing the waters. We turn to self-help products for answers instead trusting ourselves to find our own answers in our own time.

I used to buy and devour self-help books that promised a better life, more money, more joy, more enlightenment, bigger boobs …

But the truth is, all I was truly looking for was personal fulfillment.

The feeling of simply being enough. Right now. Just as I am.

You can’t find that feeling in a book.

At least I didn’t.

I believe it takes courage to explore your life. That’s why you need support from a guide to hold up a mirror so you can clearly see and understand what you find.

It reminds me of the times when people ask me to give them a few pointers so they can start healing themselves.

Yes, healing is an inside job, but it’s so much easier when you have support. What they really need is someone to hold the mirror so they can get a clear view of their own reflection.

Because it’s damn hard to see your true self when the light is blocked by your own shadow.

Don’t you agree?

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