Why I do what I do

When you were a child, dreaming of your future self, who did you imagine you’d become?

When I was 10, I had no clue who I wanted to become or how to purse an interest that would fuel my desires.

One day, my friend declared she wanted to be an actress. 
“Me, too,” I said in response. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Every time she said she wanted to be an actress, I would chime in that I, too, had the same dream. That is, until the day her brother grew tired of hearing me mimic her dream.

He got in my face and told me to find my own dream.

I never again said I wanted to be an actress.

A few years later, I realized my own dream: I wanted to become a doctor.

I don’t know where this idea came from. One day, it was just there, and it felt right to me.

And it still feels right to me to this day.

Back then I believed that being a doctor meant you eased pain or you mended broken bones. Throughout medical school and for years afterward, I trusted this “truth”: Sick people come to me, and I fix them.

No one had ever told me about the layer underneath. No one explained that when you heal the heart, everything else heals so much faster. No one expressed to me that I could never actually “fix” another person.

I didn’t really get this until I went through massive healing myself. And you know what? It felt like a miracle.

The more I let go of my inner pain the better I felt; my symptoms just disappeared.

Had I not experienced it first hand, I wouldn’t have believed it.

Today, I help my patients to look through their own net of family of origin stuff, lost dreams, seemingly wrong decisions, and help them recognize how their painful symptoms relate to them.

Most people I know don’t want to deal with their pasts. And that’s ok. You might think differently when you are sick.

At least that’s what I’ve experienced. You will feel it in your bones when it’s time to take a look back at your past.

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