Are you attached to your pain?
Yes, you can be attached to pain.
But, why would you do that? Why would you allow yourself to suffer when there are ways to alleviate the pain?
Well, because after a while, being in pain feels safe; it’s what you grow accustomed to; it’s what you learned early on; it’s how you have seen family members behave.
Change is scary. It means venturing out into the unknown and facing the monsters you’ve hidden away in the recesses of your closets.
Fear is a big motivator. Yes, it’s a bad motivator. But for many, fear is the primary controller of their lives.
Let my ask you something? What would happen if you decided to ignore the fear and open yourself up? What would happen if you allowed yourself to love and be loved?
Let me tell you a story: There once was a girl who was madly in love. Inevitably, the romance ended and the relationship went south.
The girl was unable to face it. All she wanted was for the boy to come back so she could have a fairy tale ending. But, that never came to be.
She suffered. But, ironically, the suffering kept her going. It had become her new normal.
No, she didn’t feel good, but, to be honest, she never expected to feel good. In her world, on a deep level, she didn’t feel she was worth a better life.
Then, one day a friend asked her something profound: “Don’t you want to be happy and in charge of your life?”
It had never occurred to her that she could choose to be happy instead of sad.
So, she decided to set an intention to take good care of herself from that day forward. And the relationship was history four days later.
The fairy tale she longed for finally came into her life. She met someone who loved her the way she was, someone who had his stuff together and who didn’t need her to fill a void in his life.
By now, you’ve probably guessed that the girl in the story was me, many years ago.
I recently talked with a friend who is going through the same thing. When I described my former attachment to pain, she nodded her head in recognition.
Yes, she said. The pain was all she ever knew.
I told her it was time to carve new pathways in her psyche.
Very often you don’t realize that the way you act (or react) is unhealthy. You just shrug it off when your friends tell you have to change.
Sometimes serious blows are needed to open this door.
And at some point, if you don’t listen, the emotional pain will sink deeper into your body and become symptoms of an illness.
Don’t wait forever. Don’t let fear keep you stuck in a cycle of pain.
Look for support.