After I took off my doctor’s glasses
A few months back I had a rather painful epiphany.
Up to that point, I had been battling boredom and indecisiveness in my work. I had lost my inner fire. My inner engine sputtered, then stopped altogether.
What had brought on this sense of ennui? It’s simple. I asked myself one poignant question: Is this the life I really want to live?
For several weeks, I avoided the answer. I wasn’t ready to look at the truth that was trying to bubble up.
Finally, I became so sick of my self and my weariness, I allowed myself the face the answer.
My soul slowly began to release a tiny bit of its truth.
Every day I was scared of what might come to the surface. Do I need to leave my job?
My job meant so much to me. It always felt more like a calling than a simple J.O.B.
Somehow I knew it wasn’t my job that was dragging me down. I realized my numbness and pain was deeper than that.
By asking myself if my life was truly what I wanted, I was able to find clarity. I felt as if I had taken off my glasses and discovered my vision was much better without them.
Ever since I was 12 I wanted to become a doctor. It’s still my dream, my wish, my everything.
Now, it’s shifted. It’s different.
I used to look at the world through doctor-colored glasses. I would meet new people and my brain would start to analyze them in a medical way, which sucked the joy out of new relationships.
Now that my glasses are gone, I live with a new normal. I’m more real, more human. What I realized is that my glasses kept people away from me. I created a distance, as if their messy truths were too much for me.
Not any more. My question opened the floodgates to another level of interaction, realness, and love.
In the end, I had to move away from treating a disease to support life. This seems contradictory, but it’s not.
If you take a closer look you’ll see that treating a disease requires you to focus on the problem—it’s is all about a problem mindset.
However, supporting life is about finding solutions—it’s a solution mindset.
Once I had internalized this, play and lightness showed up in my work. Intensity? Yes. I’m all for it without the difficulties that used to accompany it.
Ultimately, the answer I was seeking was, yes. I do want to live this life. And, I want it to include laughter, lightness and joy.
Now, I incorporate a big dose of play and lightness to my work. And my patients and I feel better and get more done.